Birdshot

Back in 1969 or so, Big Jim and the Ditch Wizard worked on, and pretty much were, the student newspaper at Central Piedmont Community College in Charlotte, NC. Big Jim had a regular column called "Birdshot," where he held forth on any topic that struck his fancy.

Birdshot

Last Sunday morning I was out strolling around picking the mandolin and generally taking the air when a slew of wild-eyed folks in a '49 Studebaker picked me up. It turned out that they were a traveling religion and right away they tried to smother me with 47 kinds of religious pamphlets. They got so worried about my soul that they cracked two of my ribs and snapped an E string.

I guess they leave a lot of happy tracts, if you know what I mean.

They all quietened down when the one with the glass eye and the yellow Bible turned on the radio. But they couldn't decide on which station to listen to and they kept grabbing the knob and the rest of the ride went something like this

"and brothers, when I look at this Christmas tree sitting here in the studio, I see that it ain't no ordinary tree. No, brother! When I look at this tree, I see the jawbone of an ass that slew the Philistine heatherns. Hello ? AMAN! I see the little stone that split Goliath's head in twain. Hello? AMAN! I see Jonah in the belly of the fish. AMAN! I see the.....

"...contest will run every week with the grace of God, for seven more weeks, unless we're stopped by the rapture. Just write in and tell Brother Joe Mansard how many cards and letters you think we got this week. And if you guess the closest to the right number, we will send you an autographed picture of the Baby Christmas---I mean, the Baby Jesus. That address again is ....."

".....Station WGWG, Witnessing God's Wonderful Glory, brought you every Lord's Day by King John the Conqueror Root Sachet Powder and Lipstick Company. Now, Brothers Art and Bart Fargo will pour their hearts out on you with the message, which today is the Evils of Cosmetics in....."

"...a letter from a lady who sends us a tumor and a fifty-cent piece that she coughed up while listening to our spiritual healing broadcast. She wants us to pray for her..."

" three-color prayer cloth. Believers from Maine to California have our three-color prayer cloth in their homes. This three-color cloth is 20 feet long by 23 feet high and depicts the life of our Lord in three colors. Send us eleven dollars and a nickel if you truly want this three-color...."

"....loved one home for Christmas or if you have a friend who has become a backslider because of cigarettes, whiskey, or wild companions, just write his or her name on a five-dollar bill and send it to me in care of this station. I'll put it on this sacred Christmas prayer tree and Reverend Duggs will pray for that loved one. Join us next Sunday, from nine forty-five until a quarter to ten, when the Triumphant Trinity Trio will sing "We Need a Whole Lot More of Jesus and a Lot Less Rock and Roll." This program is brought to you by..."

"....sins of the flesh!"

Amen and pass the alum brandy!